I knew Shirley.
She was young, beautiful and sweet
And kind, you know, the kind of beauty
One travels roads and seas just to scribe,
I knew her from the memories she painted
With a stroke of a paint brush, she broke my heart
when the rain turned her smile into a sad frown
that longs ever more for love... and a friend.
---
I have been abandoned as a child
Though i lived with my mother,
She never strayed her love away,
Never from the things that weren't me
I wasn't abused i was lonely.
I wasn't deprived of food or her company,
i was without friends and without a doll
Like young girls my age, like Sarah and her barbies
i was left to grow faster than i was meant,
pushed away to a point the only one i did not wish for was me
As a grown woman, i sought love.
i was 15.
---
The only love I've ever felt
Was when Eddy Maake spoke to me
He was what he called himself. a poet.
With a tongue wrapped up in poetry
His hands were possessed as he gestured paving the heavens
He would whisper an entire ocean
And call upon the moon
With a touch of a carress
You would feel what heaven is like
And this poem he never wrote
But i could read it.
---
Just only to appreciate and hold fresh and in safety
and in deep affection my lonely heart.
I was loved by a man older than I,
It never bothered me in any way for love is the thing
that one finds outside their home.
---
For months to a year we loved in a love discreet
Yet it felt everything i heard the girl whisper
and never even once did i feel any less.
No more did i again pray my will to die
No more did i again pray for strength to love myself
When Eddy said to me in whispers only the pine trees are able to mimic
(my love will be enough, so let not yours fade to hopes untrue)
I loved a man, and he loved me
He was by age older than I
And by standing, taller than a tree.
But years later after i have with so much strength
Mustered in me the courage to tell my mother how vile and horrible she is
I had moved away to an apartment where Eddy would visit more freely
But never every day, why not every day I always asked,
Someday, he'd reply
Someday.
Okay.
One day///
A girl came knocking, a girl in a blue dress
Yellow roses filled its silhouettes
The edges were loudly yelling, know my name
She had a lighter complexion
She was as beautiful as those princesses you'd watch on tv
My first thought was 'she has the wrong door.'
Quiet i stayed
Shirley!, To my silence she yelled.
A second pound to my door this time to make sure,
Coming i said, i was a mess but for some reason i didn't care
With a smile yet a face filled with confusion
she asked, Shirley?
Yes.
Because Eddy cares for you,
He is afraid to come back
And so he said to say
He will have his hands
Into what the child eats and learns
But now he has to care for his own
up north.
She said nothing...
for weeks
for months.
After 6 months she lost the child
She felt the whole world crack
And she hoped to fall in
Slowly everything turned black---
The last i saw of her
she tried hiding the wrists above her left hand.
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